Friday, June 14, 2013

To Abigail on Her First Birthday

June 14th, 2013
Sweet Abigail Jane,

I haven't even written my first thought down yet and the tears are already starting to flow. You are our greatest blessing. Although the world would have had us think that having triplets already was "enough" - God knew better. He knew we needed you in ways we could not have known. And He sent you to us in His perfect timing; to bring comfort and joy and endless happy, drooly baby smiles. The day of your birth makes me giddy every time I remember it. It was perfect in every single way; everything we had ever dreamed of - a healing balm after the long, scary road we faced with your big brother and sisters. God fulfilled our every hearts' desire the day you were born  and although giving birth naturally was something I had always excitedly feared, it turned out to be an experience I will always be so deeply thankful for. You were placed on my breast just seconds after you entered this world and you really have not left that place for more than a few minutes at a time since that lovely day. It has been pure joy being able to nourish you with my body; being able to protect and care for you in ways I was unable to with my other babies. And because of that, I haven't wanted to let you go. When you fell asleep on me that first night at home, both of us happily exhausted from your birth, and we sort of "accidentally" began our co-sleeping journey, I realized that even while sleeping I wanted you right there with me. My skin warming yours and your skin warming mine. Both of us breathing and dreaming and waking in unison. Your small knees and feet tucked softly against my bare stomach. Your soft little hands lightly sweeping across my naked chest. Although I expected to be sleep deprived, I slept better than I had in years. Rather than waking for bottles or pumping or babies crying out from the other room, we fell into a beautiful routine of "dream-feedings"; you and I both rousing slightly from sleep to nurse and then both falling back into blissful slumber, cuddled close, you secure in mama's arms, me breathing in and savoring your sweet baby smells and touching your soft, downy head. As I write this you are lying on top of my tummy nursing in your sleep; one arm wrapped around my side, your head resting on my breast like a pillow. Oh, Abigail, you are the sweetest little baby. So happy. So content. So darling. I love the way you're always trying to stick your little hands in my water glass and how you just hold them there, submerged, grinning ear to ear when I let you. I love the way you scrunch your little nose up and say "Ohhh" and lean in to kiss me, your daddy, your brother and sisters. I love waking up in the mornings and feeling your soft little body against mine and having your sweet, sleepy face be the first thing I see. I love how you love to take baths; with me, with your siblings, by yourself. I love how you reach your little arms up so I will hold you. How I'm always holding you. How I've been given the gift of holding you nearly every minute of every day for the past year. I love how you just discovered this past week that you can grab my shirt and pull it up for "self-serve" nursing. I love the way you clap your hands; methodically and high so you end up clapping them right in your face. I love the way you refuse to lie still long enough for me to change your diapers and how you think it's hilarious if you can roll over and get away before I get one snapped on. Or the way you fling yourself into Grace's tent and try to hide from me. I love the way you love Oliver and how you're always looking for him. I love that your first steps were to Audrey followed by big hugs and kisses. I love being your mama, and most of all, I love you. 

Happy 1st Birthday, sweet Abigaily Janey.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23 


  1. Oh Holly...this post brought tears to my eyes. Miss Abigail is such a blessing and a wonderful healing gift to you....being a mama is simply the best and your precious little girl is lucky to have you. Happy birthday Abigail!

  2. So beautiful Holly! You expressed in words such similar feelings that I had when my precious girl turned 1 last year. You write beautifully and Abigail will be blessed by these words her life long.