The Emotional Rollercoaster

Having babies in the NICU is an emotional roller coaster. Babies born prematurely are just not ready for life on the outside of the womb and our babies are no exception. Today our little angels celebrate their one week birthday. It has been a week of both wonderful joy and immense sorrow. Today I watched all three of my children stop breathing for what seemed like an eternity. That is a sight no parent should have to see. Every day brings new challenges equally as frightful. But among the immense sorrow, we are also experiencing such amazing joy. We got to hold our little babies for the first time in a method called "Kangaroo Care." We sit in a reclining chair with our shirts off and the nurse gathers up our baby with all of their tubes and cords and gently places them on our chest. The nurse then covers baby and parent up with a warm blanket. Its amazing to hold their little bodies and to feel their breathing against your skin.

We are so grateful that so many of our friends and family are sending so many prayers and thoughts our way. We are surrounded by so much love, but yet we feel so alone. We have found that it is difficult for people to understand what we are going through. As if simply recovering from living in the hospital for 5 1/2 weeks wasn't enough, we are also trying to cope with the fact that every day our little babies fight to stay alive. Every day we have to learn to trust that every doctor, nurse, or technician that cares for them isn't going to make some terrible mistake. Every day we struggle with the deep desire to protect our babies and the reality that we can't.

Here is the latest on our three beauties. Oliver and Audrey have a heart murmur. The doctors are watching them closely as they are concerned it is preventing oxygenated blood from reaching their little bodies. All three will have head ultrasounds today to check for bleeding in their brains. They drew blood from Oliver today to check for a possible infection. His labs will be back on Saturday. They may also check Audrey and Grace for infection as they are showing similar symptoms. Grace is handling Mommy's milk great, but Oliver and Audrey are not tolerating it very well (breat milk is being injected through a feeding tube straight into their stomachs). The doctors tells us this is common in preemies as their digestive tract is not fully developed yet. Breathing in all three has been hit and miss. There were days this last week where all three did very well but over the last few days they have been having more difficulties breathing. Our little angels are completely in the hand of God - Please pray for them (and their parents - we are exhausted physically and emotionally).

Oliver William

Audrey September in her incubator.

Grace under the UV lamp (only as big as Daddy's hand).

Mommy and Grace.

Daddy and Grace.