Thursday, May 8, 2014

Don't Buy What the World is Selling

I loved school. I loved college, and grad school, and everything literary and academic. In fact, I thrived in that environment and whether I knew it or not, I let in more of the world's philosophies than I ever intended. And even though I went to a Christian school from kindergarten through 12th grade, went to church, had Christian friends, and thankfully was deeply rooted in the truth when I headed off to college, the world still crept in. In fact a lot of it was so "accepted" by even the Christians I knew or the church in general, that I didn't even THINK to question whether what I was doing, or accepting as right, really was! I blindly bought into what was "approved" by Christian culture hook, line, and sinker. Get a secular degree? Of course! Get a secular Master's Degree? Sure, you're so smart, rack them degrees UP girlfriend!!! Get a full-time teaching job at a secular college? Yes, how successful you are! Take birth control pills to prevent babies from "interrupting" those first fun years of marriage? Yes! Everybody's doing it!!!

I'm sure some of you are already ready with defenses of why none of those things are wrong. Because culture has SO engrained in us - even in Christians - that these things are GOOD. Education above all else! (Even if that education is coming from people who proclaim to be liberal, pro-choice, atheists, or openly oppose a biblical definition of marriage). Women can and should work work work! (Even if it means waiting to have babies, or aborting babies who come at the wrong time, or dropping your precious children off at daycare so you can earn a paycheck). But WHY do we do it? Does God want us (especially us Christian women) to work? To earn degrees? To face-off with all the other women and men out their in academia and the work force...just because we can??? There is SO. Much. Pressure on women today to "do it" just because we "can". But at what cost? Even if education and having a career are completely neutral things - why have we given them a place in our lives of such high esteem that we are willing to disobey God's commands for them or place them above our children??? Who are we ultimately trying to impress? Our parents? Our friends? Ourselves? Do we base our worth in our academic achievements? Our job title? Our paycheck? I know I did from about 15 - 25. Straight A's. Valedictorian status. Graduated from college in 3 years. Masters Degree at the age of 22. I was a Christian, but I let my accomplishments and achievements define me. It felt good. And I honestly saw nothing wrong with it. I figured, hey, I'm a pretty darn good college Spanish instructor - why wouldn't I want to share that gift with the world?!

And then I had kids. Triplets, actually. And for the first two years of their life I stayed home with them. Mainly because it was TRIPLETS and even if I had wanted to work, daycare would have cost more than what I would have made teaching Spanish! And when they turned two I actually did go back, very part-time, just to "get out" and have some "grown up time" two nights a week and "get back in the saddle" so to speak. And although it was fun and enjoyable and I made some extra money, even now just the thought of it kind of makes me sick. Not because teaching college Spanish is bad, but because I bought the lie that it's what I "needed" to be doing. That somehow teaching OTHER people's kids was somehow more important, or more worthy, than being home nurturing and "teaching" my own. That getting "paid" for my time was worth more than sitting at home nursing babies or changing diapers.

What a lie! It was about that same time that (and honestly, I can't even really remember the first thing that happened) God started putting specific people, books, blogs, and magazines in my life that RADICALLY changed my opinion on these things. Actually, it wasn't so much that my opinions "changed" as much as I had never even really thought them through! I had just accepted the status quo without ever really consulting God's word! Just because a million people (and I hate to say it - Christians) use birth control...does that make it okay? Can I really say "God, I trust you in every area of my life, BUT....I think I'll take the reigns on this one, thank you very much! I know better than you do the perfect number of children and the perfect spacing between them!" Just because many, many, many Christian women choose to work full-time, does that make it right? Is that pleasing to God even though we justify our disobedience with worldly-accepted answers like "we can't afford for me not to work" or "I'm a better mom when I'm fulfilled in my career." Our God-given job as parents isn't to buy our kids fancy clothes, or make sure they get into the best preschool, or even to have a fancy house for them to live in. Our job is to teach those children about the ways of God. All day. Every day. "You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up." (Deuteronomy 6:7). The world may tell you you need to work, or get another degree, but God calls Christian women to teach their children about Him. Not teachers. Not Sunday school teachers or your pastor. You. You blessed, lucky, mama who has the precious gift of a child. 

Just this week a woman I now follow on Instagram lost her young son. In the blink of an eye her life is forever changed. Her precious red-headed little boy ran into the street after a frisbee and was hit by a truck. Do you think that mama cares at all about her education or career right now? I'm sure that boy meant everything to her and that she'd give it all up in a heartbeat to hold him again. As horrible and painful as his death is, let it remind us of the precious gift that a child is. The world doesn't love children. They see them as nuisances. Interruptions. Marriage-ruiners. Career-destroyers. Just look at the billions of dollars spent on birth control and abortions if you don't believe me. All in the name of preventing children. 

As Christians, we are called to a different way. The way we live SHOULD look different than the world. If it doesn't, there is probably something seriously wrong! I am not trying to condemn anyone. Honestly, up until two years ago...that was ME. I hadn't even CONSIDERED these things! The world had done such a good job of blinding me to the truth (and that truth felt RIGHT), that I was totally and completely unaware of these things! I am so thankful to God that he slowly started opening my eyes to His better plan. So, on this Mother's Day, I encourage you to seek Christ's plan for your life as a Christian wife and mother. Stop listening to the world. Stop listening to your Christian friends (who may be listening to the world). Stop even letting what "feels right" dictate where you find your worth and success. Christ's plan is so much bigger. So much fuller than anything the world can ever give. His plan for women is so much more beautiful than the lies and false promises this world offers. Being a mother is the greatest blessing of my life. Nothing the world has to offer can even compete with my new "job". But I want to give it my all. I want to give it my best. And the only education I need for that, is the word of God. 


*            *           *


Some of the resources that "coincidentally" started falling in my lap when God began opening my heart to His word and its plan for Motherhood are:

Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. One of my favorite Christian authors. I also absolutely love her radio show "Revive Our Hearts" and try to listen to it every morning!

Above Rubies (sign up for their free magazine - it is full of such great stories and photos of Godly families. I literally squeal with delight each time it arrives in the mail!)

A Love That Multiplies  by the Duggars. I had never seen the show, and of course thought they were crazy. And then I read a few of their books. 2 kids or 20, the Duggars are doing it right and are some of the godliest parents I "know". 

Does the Birth Control Pill Cause Abortions? by Randy Alcorn. I had no idea. And you can get the kindle version for just $1.99. By the way, he's one of my favorite Christian authors.

A Full Quiver by Rick and Jan Hess. Such a great book! I've read this one cover to cover several times. Full of Bible verses, history, science, and humor!

The Way Home by Mary Pride. See just how much "feminism" has influenced the church and how wrong we've gone. 

Family UNplanning 

30 comments:

  1. This is beautiful! Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank YOU! I'm so glad it was encouraging to you!

      Delete
  2. I agree, it's easy to take things for granted for so long, without ever having to think about it. What did it for me were a series of miscarriages. I thought I could "plan" my children. But when they were ripped out of my hands, or literally womb, I realized that THIS was not my department. This was God's business, and I was toying with the most precious things I had been given. What if I couldn't have any more children? Then how would I look back on the times when I thought I had it all under control? On the children I had overlooked. Suffice to say, this mama is done messing around.

    http://thebucketwoman.wordpress.com/2014/04/14/its-official/

    Thanks for the post, I like running into women as crazy as me. ;) *M

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank God for His truth and his love. Blessings to you and yours...including that sweet little bun in the oven! xx

      Delete
  3. Dear Holly,

    I enjoyed reading your testimony, it sounds vaguely familiar! I am so happy you stopped by my blog. Could I share your testimony on my fb page? BTW, I think your kids are the cutest!

    Sherry, largefamilymothering.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Sherry! Of course you may! I would be honored! And I'd love to have you follow my Instagram account if you're on there...I'm way more consistent at posting updates/photos on there!!! @oregonmama

      So glad to have found you!

      Blessings to you and your big beautiful family!!!

      Holly

      Delete
  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow. Thank you so much!! I'm having a hard time explaining the way Christ is leading our family to the rest of the world, and even Christian family members. This post is beautiful, i hope you don't mind if I share it. Thank you so much for the encouragement. God bless you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Natalie. Thank you for your comment. Sometimes responses from other Christians are the hardest to handle! With the world it's easy to understand why they think the way they do. When other believers question our decision to let God control this area of our lives, it hits closer to home, and we start to question ourselves, I think. But the only person we need to "impress" is our Lord. In the end, it truly doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. And maybe you being faithful to what He has called you to will open their eyes and reveal the truth to them!

      Delete
  6. Thank you for not being afraid to say this.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you for not being afraid to say this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have a feeling I won't always be greeted with such positive feedback when I share views such as these, but if I am truly convicted of these things in my life, I need not fear man!

      Delete
  8. Wow! Thank you so much for sharing! I'm visiting from Conservative Christian Mom ( http://conservativechristianmom.blogspot.com/2014/01/why-i-went-from-wanting-zero-babies-to.html ) and I have such a similar story...without the triplets! :)
    Isn't God so good! I'm so very thankful for you for sharing your story as I know it can be controversial. But had someone not taken that step for me, I wouldn't have had my eyes opened either!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for leaving your comment, Lindy! Your last blog post rings so true in my ears. And like you, it took someone else speaking up about these things to open my eyes to the truth as well! It is my prayer that someone else's heart will be softened to the Lord's calling in this area as I share my story.

      Delete
  9. This is spot on! It took so much prayer and begging God to change my heart on each of the issues you just talked about. I truly don't think I would have changed unless I had asked God to change me. Great post!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! He is still working on my heart too as some of these areas are harder to surrender than others (and the world's opinions and messages sometimes crop up (loudly!). May we both stay fixed on Him and may His voice be the loudest in our lives!

      Delete
  10. Found this through Sherry's Facebook feed. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So sorry for the late reply! Thank you for taking the time to say hi! I'm so glad this post was an encouragement to you, Jennifer!

      Delete
  11. Thank you for putting this out there. I felt like you did, until I met my (now Husband). I was in the middle of my Jr. yr of College.... on that path to making something of myself. He wanted to marry right away, I asked him to wait until I finished College. We married the yr I got my degree. He wanted babies right away, I asked him to wait until I got my "career" started....three years after and one miscarriage, we had our son, and in that instant.... I knew, I could NEVER leave him with a stranger and go back to work.... Staying home and sacrificing more than I was comfortable with was all worth it. EVERY MINUTE. A second son and school (for the older one) came and I was going back to work.... I did for about a year and a half and God pulled on my heart everyday to quit and be with my boys AND to homeschool. Public school got to be such a challenge to deal with that I threw in the towel. I am home again, AND homeschooling and its the best decision EVER. The worst part.... "the world and even Christians" look down at me for our choice to follow God's desire for our family. Praise God, that He has shown me, in so many ways, that I am right where he wants me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right where He wants us is the best place to be! Good for you for following his leading even though the world says otherwise. You will be blessed!

      Delete
  12. Hi there!

    I am not a Mama, but I have a lot of friends who are Mamas! Can I ask a genuine question?
    I am wondering if you believe these things to be blanket truths for all Mamas? I have friends who are intensely convicted about birth control, and others who are not. I have friends who are SAHM and others who work part time, or even full time. (For a myriad of reasons.) I'm wondering if you believe that these are personal things that the Holy Spirit defines for each woman, or is there one right way?

    Thanks so much for clarifying!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Laura! Thank you for taking the time to comment; I appreciate your questions! I do not want to say that there is "one right way" in the particulars, as every woman/situation is different (for instance widows, single mothers, single unmarried women, etc.) but I do believe God has a general plan for women - and a plan specific to women who find themselves married and with children. In Titus chapter 2, verses 4-5 we read a very specific plan for young women who are married with children: "and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." The woman described and praised in Proverbs chapter 31 is in accordance with these verses - she is busy at home, and diligently cares for her family. I hope that helps to clarify the matter for you!

      Delete
  13. Hello Oregon-Mama,
    I am from Germany and found this blog linked im Facebook. We call ourselves a christian family and we are parents of 7 kids. Your post inspired me. I put my career back somehow to see more of my Kids and it feels good. Thank you for your words.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your kind words! I am so glad that my post was encouraging to you! God bless you and your family!

      Delete
  14. I'm glad that you have found fulfillment and joy. I have a couple of reservations regarding what your blog post seems to state.

    1. God did not create one strict and narrow mold for women to fill. If you search the Scriptures, you simply won't find it. I know, because I once believed that if I wanted to be a godly woman, I had to fit into one very specific mold. I finally realized I'd bought into a Christian lie. Well-meaning Christians promoted the lie. But what they stated was still a lie. And I nearly killed myself attempting to live up to that lie.

    God created humans with an amazing diversity of temperaments and talents to reflect various facets of Himself. And human relationships, speaking specifically about marriages and families, are all unique. What God has called one family to live is not necessarily what He calls another family to do.

    2. I don't know if you realize how hurtful your words can be. I hope you don't. Because you've effectively told every woman who doesn't make the exact same choices you've made that they are ungodly and less than you simply because they haven't made the choices you've made.

    Even if you were right and women were supposed to be solely at home to raise as many younguns as possible, do you think God is pleased when you judge harshly single moms, widows, and wives of men who are (for whatever reason) unable to adequately provide for their families that they, those precious women who work so hard for their families?

    3. You listed resources that changed your views of what you should be doing as a godly woman. If you want to see a godly woman in action, you need look no further than Proverbs 31. And I don't mean reading what someone SAYS about the Proverbs 31 woman. I mean read the passage in the Bible for yourself. She is well-educated and does not stay strictly at home.

    Again, I'm glad that you feel you are now following God's will for your life. I hope that you will consider the concerns I have voiced. God bless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Revka. Thank you for taking the time to comment on this post. I am sorry that you felt my post was hurtful or judgemental. That was in no way my intention. When I write, I seek to encourage other believers and I always aim to do so by "speaking the truth in love" (Eph. 4:15). I do agree with you that God has created all women differently - and that is a beautiful thing! But I also believe that God has expressed through His word a general design and plan for women, especially those that find themselves married with children. In Titus chapter 2, verses 4-5 we read a very specific plan for young women who are married with children:

      "and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."

      You state that the Proverbs 31 woman "does not stay strictly at home". You are correct. Here are the portions of Proverbs 31 that support that statement:

      "she seeks wool and flax,and works with willing hands." (verse 13)

      "she brings her food from afar." (verse 14)

      she "provides food for her household" (verse 15)

      "she considers a field, and buys it." (verse 16)

      "She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
      Her lamp does not go out at night." (verse 18)

      "She makes linen garments and sells them;
      she delivers sashes to the merchant" (verse 24)

      "She looks well to the ways of her household
      and does not eat the bread of idleness." (verse 27)

      While you are right in stating that she "does not stay strictly at home," these statements in no way support a "career" outside of the home in the modern sense of a "career". Every passage detailed above relates directly to her caring for her family! Nowhere does it mention above her neglecting her family to pursue her own fulfillment in a career separate from her household duties (nor do I stay strictly at home just because I do not have a career. Like the Proverbs 31 woman I must leave to go grocery shopping, buy clothing,etc.). It only describes her collecting food and clothing, and using her own talent and resources to make garments for her own family and extra to sell in order to gain extra income - but this "work" is done at home "her lamp does not go out at night" (verse 18).

      I am not reading what someone SAYS about the woman described in Proverbs 31, I have quoted it directly. And it aligns with what is described and instructed in Titus 2.

      Delete
  15. Hello, Oregon Mama. I enjoyed your blog post and agree that as Christians we are supposed to be called out, set apart, and a peculiar people. I automatically put up a caution flag as to what the world considers the "norm" or "acceptable" choices. I recently had a similar conversation with Christian homeschoolers regarding the books the secular world considers "must reads." When I compare what God wants us to fill our minds with, I just can't see how these books would line up. Praise the Lord for your blog reminding women that being a stay-at-home wife and mother is a wonderful, rewarding, and blessed calling! God bless you.
    Susan Hall
    www.aaronshandsministries.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Susan! I agree. We need to be constantly alert about with what we are filling our minds! I am reminded of a quote from the lovely book "Lies that Women Believe and the Truth that Sets them Free" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss: "If we allow our children to listen to music, attend movies, read books and magazines, and hang out with friends that promote profanity, negative attitudes, illicit sex, rebellion, and violence, we should not be surprised when they adopt the world's philosophies." So true!

      Delete
  16. I love this post. I'm glad I'm not alone in not using birth control (my husband and I use Natural Family Planning)and wanting to be a stay at home mom. I'm not sure if I'll be a full time stay at home mom, but I know we'll always have a parent at home with our children instead of sending to daycare.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Lauren. I want to encourage you to continue seeking the Lord on this. I mentioned to a few other commenters above, the passages Titus 2 (especially verses 4-5) and Proverbs 31. Both passages exhort married women with children to be keepers of their homes. The time we have to influence, train, and enjoy our children is so fleeting and precious. Let us not waste even a moment of it! Blessings to you!

      Delete